Showbiz SherlockShowbiz SherlockName: Sherlock Cruise (nee Holmes)

Job Title: Super Showbiz Sleuth Extraordinaire

Starsign: I don't believe in all that twaddle. It's hard facts only for me.

Who would play me in a film? Sean Connery would fit the bill.

If I could pinch one celeb's wardrobe it would be... Billy Zane's. He has some smashing togs.

Who would I most like to be locked up in the Showbiz Shed with? Poirot. We could discuss techniques and strategies.

But my showbiz husband (til death us do part) is frankly going to be... Oh-ho, I'm too set in my ways for all that now. Nothing like a pipe and slippers at the end of an evening.

My slightly embarrassing celeb crush is... Well (blush) I never could understand why Miss Marple remained a Miss. I do so admire her work.

If I could be a fly on the wall of a celebrity bedroom it would be... OJ Simpson. To get to the bottom of that case once and for all.

Who would you rather be rescued by: Jason Bourne or James Bond? I don't need rescuing. I've been in many tricky situations and I've always managed to get myself out.

I'd rather lick my own foot than snog... Watson. He's a colleague. Nothing more. It would be entirely inappropriate.

I'd like to go out on the razz with... I'd rather spend an evening looking over the facts of my cases with a tumbler of whisky.

When I'm having a bad day I'd rather be working as... Well, I once went undercover as a dancer in the Moulin Rouge, and I've always wondered, what if?

My most over-used expression is... "Elementary, my dear (insert name here)."