"There's something fishy about that girl," observes beach bitch Cecilia (Arielle Kebbel) when she spots new chick Aquamarine fluttering around the lifeguard of her dreams.

And indeed there is. For Aquamarine (Paxton) is like no other girl - for a start, she can sprout fins instead of pins and she likes ladles of salt...on everything.

Aquamarine, in case you were beginning to wonder, is a mermaid. Washed up on the porch of 13-year-old Claire's grandparents' beach shack, she is on the run (swim?) from an arranged marriage in Davy Jones's Locker.

If she can prove to her father that love is not a myth, then he'll allow her to cancel the deep sea nuptials - but she's only got three days to capture someone's heart.

Step forward Claire (Roberts) and her beach bum chum Hailey (Levesque), two self-styled relationship experts speaking with the authority that only 13 years on this earth can bring.

Filleting the pages of Cosmo for junior insights into the battle of the sexes, the pair instruct Aquamarine on how to woo and snare a man.

However, the object of the fish-tailed filly's affection is blonde hunk Raymond (McDormand)...who also happens to be the toned target of devious Cecilia.

Too old for fans of The Little Mermaid and too tweeny for the audience of Splash, this falls down the gap in the boardwalk.

Roberts and Levesque and likeable enough leads, if you can put up with shrill American teen patois - "I'm so this, I'm so that. Whatever." Shut up.

You also wonder how Aquamarine emerged from the Mid-Atlantic trench with a West Coast accent and a craving for Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.

One bizarrely compelling oddity is the casting of Iggy Pop clone Bruce Spence as a pool attendant you wouldn't be surprised to find on the Paedophile Register.

Anyway, teen girls aren't going to gripe overmuch about the movie's strange incongruities when there's Ray's dish of the day to salivate over.

Tim Evans