If The Ring cautioned against watching too much TV, this laughable rehash of yet another horror flick from the Far East says be careful about your broadband usage - and steer well clear of Hollywood remakes.

College student Matty (Bell) is concerned about boyfriend Josh (Jonathan Tucker). She should be – he’s just had his life-force sucked up by a malevolent skinhead from another dimension.

Looking like extras from a 1980s Duran Duran video, these grim reapers are turning people suicidal or reducing them to inky black splats.

With help from Dexter (Somerhalder) - the guy who unfathomably bought Josh's tatty computer despite having a loft full of state-of-the-art kit - Matty and her friends twig that it's happening to anyone within range of a working computer or mobile phone – i.e. practically everyone.

We've brought it on ourselves because we’re all techno-whores, froths Brad Dourif's randomly yet hilariously introduced nutter.

Red tape slows down the demons for some reason - presumably so that the director can play with filters other than his favoured sickly blue-green ones.

As Matty and Dexter race through the deserted streets, it seems that there's no escape from the ghosts in the machines.

"They take your will to live", moans Milian's doomed bit of eye candy... which could be a reference to her own movies. Following Torque, Man Of The House and Be Cool, the erstwhile pop princess now makes it four bum notes in a row.

... or she could be talking about co-writer Wes Craven and director Jim Sonzero who leaves no scary movie cliché unused.

Every jump and jolt is telegraphed with lurking-behind-the-bookcase, look-in-the-mirror, eye-to-the-keyhole obviousness and most ideas are nicked from infinitely better movies like the spooky twins from The Shining and the final monologue of Terminator 2.

As the director of Scream, perhaps Craven is being ironic. Interestingly, he once made a film called Shocker, which would have been a much more appropriate title for this tripe.

Switch everything off and don't reboot.

Elliott Noble