Rich On The Ring

Rich on Reception explores his urge to watch films that make him jump

Why do we watch scary movies? I've heard the question a thousand times but never heard a satisfying answer. Why would we choose to go and watch a film that we know will make us feel uncomfortable to the point of fear? Sometimes fear we wouldn't experience for years, anywhere else in our lives?

For me, the urge to watch a horror movie is simpler than I first thought.

I've come to realise that very few horror movies are genuinely scary. Indeed, some are downright laughable. It's one thing to make a loud bang or orchestral screech to make the audience jump but a really scary film has more than that.

I guess I'm challenging the film-makers. I want them to impress me. I want them to prove they know what it takes to scare the hell out of me. When I'm in that cinema I'm giving them an opportunity and, if they succeed, Ill give them respect.

Buzz

So when I heard about The Ring, I figured there was a good chance a movie had been produced that was capable of taking me to that level. It had a buzz about it that reminded me of Blair Witch. Long before I had seen so much as a poster or a trailer, I had heard about this film.

Be it a marketing ploy or pure luck for the film-makers, word-of-mouth coverage on this film had been immense, to the extent that it had become an elusive entity. Nobody I knew had really seen anything about it. Even my contact over the pond, who keeps me informed on the latest news state-side, could offer me very little information. All he could say was that it was a remake and the original Japanese version was "beyond a joke, it was so scary".

So my hopes were up as I sat preparing myself for the fear, in the darkened cinema. "Fear is coming..." I told myself. But it took just a few moments of the opening for me to start to sense something was rotting in Denmark. You may wonder how it came to pass that I could tell so early that there was a problem. The only word that can explain it is 'cliché'. In fact, instead of the opening credits or title, they should simply put: "Welcome to Cliché City. Population: The Ring."

The opening is like so many other horror movies. Most importantly it's very similar to Scream, which itself is a tongue-in-cheek, fun-poking exercise. The teenage girl in peril, the silence broken by a ringing phone and so on - it's a veritable second-hand store shopping list.

Bizarre

Basically what we have is a video with some bizarre and creepy images on it. If anyone is unfortunate enough to watch this video then they are told that in seven days' time, yep, they'll be brown bread.

It seems to me that this was a premise on which a film has been written. The way the story unfolds is utterly unconvincing. I don't mean the ghosts and weird things that go down (that's what I was there for), I mean the detective story that drives the lead characters.

As they slowly begin to realise their days are numbered, they go on a journey to discover the truth and a cure to their problems, using old-fashioned detective work. Only the writer clearly couldn't be bothered to try to convince us that they could do such a thing. Every time the story hits a halt, Rachel or Noah get a light bulb above their heads and a flash of inspiration. Off they go to the next clue.

But, most importantly, I had to decide if I found it scary. The answer is a definite yes. Visually, these people have dreamt up some of the creepiest images that any of us could imagine. And these images are used sparingly to really crack up the tension factor. And when the shocks come, they come with a sledgehammer smacking you square in the face. Sure, you may have seen it coming but, hell, it made no difference.

Weak narrative

On balance the weak narrative, with its dozens of loose ends, outweighs the shock and horror value, which is a crying shame because it was that close to being the creepiest film I could remember seeing.

Whether I would be so unimpressed if Naomi Watts wasn't the lead can only be decided when I get my hands on the Japanese original. Suffice to say, she does herself no favours, with a performance that really didn't engage me on any level.

It's safe to say this is a movie that relies heavily on shock moments and, despite attempts to flesh out the story in between, it simply comes across as an unoriginal, modern-day horror in the guise of The Sixth Sense or Stir Of Echoes.

My advice is to watch one of those if you haven't seen them. Sure, Echoes might be a touch less freaky but at least you care what happens to Kevin Bacon. You'll enjoy it more so because there wasn't a bucket-load of hype that just didn't ring true.