Portrait Of A Serial Viewer

As the genie said to the boy with the lamp "Be careful what you wish for..."

After completing a media degree and grabbing some experience as a production runner, Richard Phippen landed at glamorous job at Sky - manning Unit 2 reception.

But after persuading the powers that be he could do so much more than just welcome our guests, Richard was given a trial, then his own weekly column on skymovies.com ("Rich on Reception Goes To The Movies") and finally landed a full-time job with the Movies Interactive team.

But one hot Friday in August 2004 he faced his biggest challenge - reviewing FIVE big new theatrical releases in one day.

This is his story...

You can picture the scene - it's a hot sunny day in our capital city. People walk around smiling at one another. Complete strangers are stop to say hello in the street.

A homeless person asks if you could spare a penny or two to help pay for his college course and the tube smells of freshly mown grass. There's even two seats for every traveller.

Sure you can picture it. Just as you would picture the idea of reviewing five films in a day as being a bed of freshly cut roses.

But in truth, I rose at the crack of dawn, paid a ridiculous amount to get to London and on arrival, I tried to eat a Bagel that clearly had its thoughts on growing legs and opening its own store that sold humans rubbed down in peanut butter.

But, despite the searing heat that had melted my glasses onto my nose and my trainers to the pavement, I found my way to film number one...

Film: Memories Of Murder
Time: 10.30am
Venue: 20th Century Fox Screening Rooms

It was foreign with subtitles, but I could handle that, although the 20-minute interval that took place when the reels broke down was a tad irritating.

But this was not as irritating as the man to my left, who had ignored the request for mobiles to be switched off and duly held a conference call just before the big finish.

To read the review on this movie, click here.

Film: The Magic Gloves
Time: 1pm
Venue BFI Screening Room

Thanks to the last movie's unscheduled interval, the lights had gone down by the time I arrived at film number two.

So as I walked in, I immediately collided with some poor fellow on entry, for which I apologised. I then found my way up the aisle, hoping my eyes would adjust to the darkness in time to find a seat.

But a bright light shone in my face with such power that I nearly fell over. I turned to spot my shadowy outline on the cinema screen, and a number of angry reviewers glaring in my direction.

When my eyes did catch up with what was going on, it transpired that the guy I had walked into was in fact a pillar, and a huddle of reviewers found it remarkably humorous that I had apologised to a block of stone.

Want to know if the gloves really were magic? click here.

Film: A Tale Of Two Sisters
Time: 3.30pm
Venue Mr Young's Screening Rooms

I can't tell if it was cinema overload or simply rubbish filmmaking, but my confusion was matched only by my irritation at not having a clue at what was going on in film number three.

Irritation that was confounded by the guy next to me who kept rubbing his trainers together to make a loud squeaking noise, and the guy in front that has obviously not heard of the human herding instinct (when a stranger sits in your line of sight, despite the rows of empty nearby seats).

To read the Tale Of Two Sisters review, click here.

Film: The Bourne Supremacy
Time: 6pm
Venue: United International Pictures Screening Rooms

Onwards and upwards, I thought. And off I trotted to The Bourne Supremacy. Alas, those guys that arrange the screenings failed to allow sufficient time to get from A to B, and the last seat in the house, at the end of the front row by the speakers, was all mine.

You should never have to watch a film that involves turning your head from side to side unless it's an Imax feature. And with the free cans of coke and sweet, sugary cakes inside me, my leg was twitching and my poor mind was rushing.

That, combined with my being just feet away from a rather large screen full of handheld photography and manic action scenes set to techno-beat music, lead to the mother of all headaches.

But there was just one film to go...

Film: Collateral
Time: 9.30
Venue: Empire Leicester Sq.

The one I had been waiting all day to see. And perhaps it was that excitement that made it the most disappointing movie of the day.

Unlike the other screenings, which were purely for the regular newspaper hacks, this was a special preview that catered for competition winners and friends of friends who had wangled tickets.

As a result, the audience was far too excitable, laughing at rubbish jokes and actually applauding the end of the film. To find out what I thought was wrong with it - click here.

So, a full thirteen-and-a-half-hours after first stepping into a darkened room, I emerged into the hot, bustling Leicester Square evening with a pounding head, a notebook full of nonsensical notes and a vow never to consume another sugary drink again.

And so I rolled on home, safe in the knowledge that the hard work was yet to come - that of writing up the reviews for a bunch of films that I had already forgotten.