It goes without saying that suspension of disbelief is a prerequisite when dealing with fantasy films. But given the number of flaws in its blueprint, The Lake House was lucky to get planning permission.

A puffy-faced Keanu Reeves is architect Alex Wyler who moves into the eponymous glass-and-metal monstrosity 'recently' vacated by Chicago-bound doctor Kate Forster (Bullock).

Finding the place in disrepair, Alex is puzzled by Kate's letter in the mailbox which asks the next tenant to forward her mail and apologises for the pawprints at the entrance. There aren't any... until a scruffy dog pads into his life.

What's going on? An exchange of letters via the mailbox (why Alex doesn’t initially use Kate's forwarding address is only the first of the film's "don't ask" contrivances) gets to the unlikely heart of the matter.

Kate is sending her letters in 2006 and Alex is magically receiving them exactly two years beforehand.

Naturally, they fall for each other - but that time gap is a real bummer. Somehow they have to work out how to get together while keeping up to speed (sorry) with their lives.

Alex bought the lake house because it was built by his father (Plummer) who is distant and difficult and bores everyone senseless with his architectural blather.

Kate's issues are with ex-boyfriend Morgan (Walsh of TV's Nip/Tuck) who refuses to let her go. Morgan once caught her snogging some guy at her birthday party in 2004. No prizes for guessing who.

There are a thousand ways that the protagonists could solve their predicament but The Lake House has its own rules, frequently and conveniently forgetting that Kate and Alex ever met.

This is truly, deeply maddening stuff - even the least cynical will feel their blood pressure start to rise.

And why not have some fun with the premise? They could fleece the bookies, take Wall Street by storm, change history a bit... but no, they'd rather just yearn and mope.

The Lake House is for hopeless romantics only – really hopeless.

Elliott Noble