Rich On Star Trek X

Is going to the cinema a social event? Do you get your mates to join you because you want to spend time with them or because you can't go to watch a film alone? I mean, you can't chat while it's on, and you can't even see each other.

More to the point, if you take a girl on a date to the flicks, then you're a joke.

I went to the cinema alone last week. That's not because I wanted to. No, it's because I went to watch Star Trek: Nemesis. And that's the problem: it's not cool to watch Star Trek.

Alleged final journey

I asked around and no-one wanted to go, not even for free. Which is a shame, because the fact it's Star Trek is academic of the film's quality.

But, by the same token, the film will have as many fans queuing around the block on its first day out as foes who refuse to watch it on the basis that it's Geek City.

This time around, it's the alleged final journey. The crew is all relaxed and getting married, etc, when up crops something to grab their attention.

Formulaic stuff

Before you know it, Picard is being threatened by a younger version of himself, and must subsequently save the planet Earth, among others.

We are not in original territory here. The story is a stripped-down version of at least three of the other movies, and probably of 3,676 films since a train once rode into a station in the first ever cinema 100 years ago.

It really is formulaic stuff, from the bad guy having a No.2 who battles the opposing good guy' No.2 to the bit where the Enterprise is stricken by inevitable damage.

Acting shines

But then I think that's why the story works. It's simple, allowing the greatest asset of all to shine through - the acting.

I could watch Picard all day long. And the man chosen to play his clone, Shinzon, is just as measured. Backing them up is a cast who all know their jobs very, very well. And the jokes are really charming.

For a Trekkie film, I found it remarkably dark, and the action is not overdone, although it can be quite violent. A couple of the set-pieces have etched themselves into my mind already - I was impressed.

Geek City outskirts

Visually, there's more flair in this one than any other in the series. Especially when they land on a planet that, thanks to the use of bleached film, looks a lot like the one in Pitch Black.

But overriding it all is the plot's unoriginality. As a straightforward battle between Picard and Shinzon it's good stuff, but I, like most non-Trekkies, need a little more than that from an action film.

I don't get a lot of the jokes because, well, I live on the outskirts of Geek City and so they cruise well over my head.

Escape route

Nor do I have a particular affection for the key members of the crew so, when the sad bit came, I wasn't particularly moved.

Especially given that it cops out and produces a 'Search for Spok' (Star Trek 3 & 4) style escape route.

Back then, they topped Spok then decided to bring him back in the next one. Damn, I just gave my location away, call me a cab, I'm getting the hell out of this city.