The principal attraction of this dim-witted British comedy is the chance to see if Bloom can cut it as a lead as opposed to the Orc-dispensing Elf in Lord Of The Rings.

Regrettably, he must be wondering how he ever got caught up in this slice of geezerish drivel which shamelessly rehashes almost every British comedy cliché.

Bloom plays wholesome milkman Jimmy Connelly, an amateur boxer who gets lined up to fight the American world middleweight champion Jose Mendez (Michael Pena).

This unlikely state of affairs occurs after Brit hope Pete Wright breaks his hand on sparring partner Jimmy's calcium hardened head (he drinks three pints of milk a day, you know).

Boxing promoter Herbie Bush (a half-decent Djalili) doesn't have a replacement so plucks "The Calcium Kid" out of obscurity to fight Mendez in the "melee on the telly".

By this stage the only thing that can get worse is the casting of Albert from 70s sitcom Robin's Nest as a fight coach. Albert from Robin's Nest is duly cast.

In an ideal world, this script wouldn't have got anywhere near a motion picture while a competitive dad with computer editing tools could have made a better fist than what's on offer here.

Ronni Ancona is wasted as Johnny's "masseuse" mother while Dr Who's sidekick - in her much heralded debut performance - hardly figures at all as Johnny's love interest.

Yes, it's down there with Shoreditch and Charlie as one of those Britpics which makes The Family look like a philosophical work of daring intellectual reach.

How the makers have got the bottle to release this is anybody's guess.

Tim Evans