If the dirty mac brigade are expecting an oriental smutfest of Japanese escort girls at their most titillating they're in for a shock.

Contrary to popular belief, a geisha is not a high-class hooker but an entertainer trained in dance, song and conversation - "an artist of the floating world."

Writer Arthur Golden's bestseller - telling the story of the rise of a girl to geisha - was pretty much the beach-read of choice in 1997.

Now another American - Rob "Chicago" Marshall - has adapted it for the big screen in this sumptuous yet strangely empty historical epic.

A country girl is sold by her impoverished family into bondage in a Kyoto geisha house run by grim-faced Mother (Kaori Momoi) in 1929.

Cinderella-like, Mother and evil chief geisha Hatsumomo (Gong Li) are happy to take on the role of evil stepmum and stepsister as they administer regular sneers and beatings.

However, salvation (of a sort) is at hand with older geisha Mameha (Yeoh), a fairy godmother-type happy to teach Sayuri(Zhang Ziyi) the intricate tricks of the geisha trade.

In the background hovers Ken Wanatabe's handsome married man, a decent cove who has won Sayuri's heart by not being horrid to her when she was a little girl.

In a world where social interaction relies on subtle gesture, this comes across as the broad, Westernised drama straight out of panto land: "He's behind Yeoh".

Sure, it looks beautiful - more blossoming trees and teak decking than you could shake a chopstick at - but it's the idealised vision of a Hollywood backlot.

At the end of the (long) day, this over-literal adaptation is as flimsy as the kimonos favoured by this beguiling yet still mysterious class of women.

Tim Evans