If you're a super-striker of the top flight then you'd have surely sacked your agent after being landed with perpetual underachievers Newcastle United and then Spain's mega-earning flops Real Madrid.

The fact that Santiago Munez's salaried negotiator Glen Foy (Stephen Dillane) still works in a Tyneside chop-shop should have sent out warning signals that he isn't the best navigator of a young star's career.

Nevertheless, Santi (Becker) sees himself heading south from St James' Park to the Bernabeu (in a deal that sees Michael Owen going the other way) and he quickly makes his mark with an extra-time strike that keeps Real in the Champions League.

However, there's issues to address - the insistence of fiancee Roz (Friel) that she takes her nursing exams back in Newcastle while Santi's mixing it with the chicos, particularly the predatory attentions of foxy TV presenter Jordana (Varela).

It also turns out that the youngster's absentee mother is running a downtown Madrid bar after quitting her Mexican family all those years ago.

Providing the comedy is Santi's old Magpies sidekick Gavin (Nivola), a blonde-streaked Gazza-style nitwit whose mastery of Spanish never gets much further than "vino".

The second part of the Goal trilogy sees a dip in quality - original writers Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais have been given the red card and the plot gets just as barking as a Jose Mourinho pre-match pep talk.

What director Jaume Collet-Serra has retained from the first run-out is the impressive meshing of genuine soccer footage with the actors having a star-studded kickabout.

The trouble is that football's a funny old game and today's heroes - Beckham, Zidane et al - are soon tomorrow's zeroes and many of the featured stars are well in the descendent by the time you're trooping to the multiplex.

Still, it's a rare movie where you see a Scouser (here former Real benchwarmer and executive producer Steve McNamanan) breaking up a fight rather than starting one.

Ole!

Tim Evans