“Life is unpredictable”, says therapist Bob Balaban to Zeta-Jones’ culinary control freak Kate. Not in this movie, it isn’t.

In fact, the only risk taken in the safe and snuggly Americanisation of 2001’s Deutsche-lark Mostly Martha is in the title. Even the most undemanding of viewers may have a few reservations about sitting through a trifle this bland.

It is, however, a handsome affair, with the Welsh rarebit jostling for kitchen space with lovable hunk Eckhart amidst a smorgasbord of mouth-watering delights. Don’t watch it on an empty stomach.

Consumed with work, Kate has no time for anyone unless they’re telling her how wonderful her sauces are. But when tragedy strikes, she has to take care of her nine-year-old niece Zoe (Little Miss Sunshine’s Breslin).

On top of that, restaurant owner Paula (a thankless role for Patricia Clarkson) has employed Eckhart’s extrovert to keep the stoves burning in Kate’s absence.

Opera-crazy Nick is the sort of too-good-to-be-true-so-where’s-the-girlfriend barrel of fun that exists only in Hollywood romcoms. Like everyone else, Zoe loves him. But killjoy Kate thinks he’s out to steal her job.

Will her truffles go with his tiramisu? Rocket scientists needn’t answer.

Drizzled with banal dialogue, the a la carte plot throws up not a single surprise: stressed chef soup is followed by you’re-not-my-mommy beef with other small potatoes before something sweet and, to finish, the obligatory chunk of cheese.

Breslin’s cute factor is understandably waning with age but you might find yourself wishing social services would come around to deal with little madam Zoe.

And while Zeta-Jones and Eckhart make an appealing couple, their chemistry never really develops due to the script’s complete lack of sauce.

It’s a harmless but wholly unadventurous dish needing more Gordon Ramsay and less boring whimsy.

Elliott Noble