"Container is an autistic film", says avant garde filmmaker Lukas Moodysson. If he means that it will appeal to nobody except the people who made it, he's right. So why inflict it on anyone else?

It is pretentious gibberish, a bucket of arthouse slop in which meaningless, depressing and boring images congeal to the whine of a meaningless, depressing and boring monologue from Jena Malone.

She played annoying teenager Lydia in Pride & Prejudice, which is fitting as the stream-of-barely-consciousness she spouts here sounds like the breathy whisperings of a self-pitying adolescent depressive.

She fantasises about being Mary, mother of Jesus and there's something about being a girl in a boy's body, but mostly it's just a 70-minute succession of non sequiturs - mercifully broken in this viewing by the snores of several film critics - that will make you want to pierce your eardrums with hot needles after 45 seconds.

"I licked and I licked but I could tell it was not a Hungarian passport"... "I had six raisins for lunch"... "People run into each other like panes of glass"... Eh? Panes of glass do that, do they?

Completely dissociated from this are the black-and-white antics on screen. Most involve a fat bloke (Lorentzon) and a Lucy Liu lookalike (dancer Aberg, looking utterly disinterested) performing the sort of activities which are the preserve of stoned students and the incredibly bored.

He dresses in drag, wraps his head in Sellotape, pulls a sofa on top of himself, pieces together a broken ornament while wearing a gasmask and ventures out to kneel down in a public square.

She curls up a lot and together they play with ravioli in a bath and he gives her a piggyback through what appears to be an empty morgue.

Then we see a starling... a member of the thrush family anyway. Now let's look at a shower curtain for a bit. And some stamps from Nazi Germany. How about a plastic foetus? Here you go.

The only metaphor that makes any sense is a digger operating in a rubbish dump, which obviously represents Moodysson as he creates this colossal pile of garbage.

Elliott Noble