Rich On xXx

Rich On Reception goes to the movies

The action genre is one that is constantly updated. It goes through waves of styles and then, when it's worn down to the bone, it's reinvented, usually by a single film that breathes new life and ideas into tired stories.

A good example of this is Die Hard.

In the mid-Eighties, Arnie had suffocated the world of action with tripe that offered nothing new. As the pending Terminator 3 proves, Arnie is not comfortable with new ideas, preferring to immerse himself in what he knows and does best, regardless of whether anyone wants to see it.

As Die Hard made Bruce Willis, The Fast And The Furious was Vin Diesel's vehicle (pun intended). It drove him from support cast to B list.

Screw Bond

Since then he has been busy working on his options for the leap to list A, along with Fast And Furious director Rob Cohen, and their next offering aims to reinvent the spy film. To screw James Bond, as so many Bond girls before. To blow the action genre apart. But it has, instead, blown up in their faces.

Starring as Xavier Something (it doesn't matter), Diesel's character is the Jackass of extreme sports. One of the baddest, coolest guys around. Having seen what crazy capers he is capable of, there's a 17-second scene in which Samuel L Jackson crops up as a surprisingly irritating NSA agent. He decides the only way to beat some bad guys, in some country, is to use someone who isn't a spy but is real bad.

Cue a bizarre Spies Like Us style training routine and several chances for Diesel to show off. I know what you're thinking, what a load of crap. Indeed I can see why you'd think that. It is.

Implausible no-brainers

There are plenty of no-brainer action movies out there but when I think of the best ones, I think of The Rock, Con Air, Face/Off - each as implausible as the one before. But they succeed where xXx fails by being entertaining and likeable.

For me, the man who brought us Con Air, The Rock, Beverley Hills Cop, Armageddon et al, Jerry Bruckheimer, has cornered the market. His movies have a certain "Yeah, this is shockingly stupid but you're gonna love it!" attitude that you can't resist.

John Woo also feeds us the most unrealistic of films, but in a package also including such melodramatic gun fights that you just don't care.

Shockingly unoriginal

But xXx is nowhere near that league. It's shockingly unoriginal. Obviously very few films of this type are, but they usually provide something new. Here, we have dialogue ripped from Commando, of all films.

At one point Xander (or X) meets the film's version of Q. Such is the sheer stupidity of the film, I would imagine the irony was lost on all involved.

There are probably two set-pieces worth watching but, for me, they weren't even directed capably. X uses a trail-bike to jump through the air early on. Later they dispose of the launch ramps and jumps, and X's bike takes off, seemingly of its own accord.

Bordering on blasphemy

On top of that you've got a bad guy who's about as menacing as my picture on the site, and a plot involving his maniacal tendencies which would bore anyone to sleep. I didn't pay any attention to the "this is why I'm doing it" speech, and I make no apologies.

The trailer for the new Bond before this 'film' started shows up xXx for what it really is - a weak, lame and downright lazy attempt to create a star and a franchise. The makers' attempt to compare it to Bond border on blasphemy. I only hope you don't go to watch it so the plan doesn't come together.

The equation to make an action film isn't tough, but some film-makers screw it up and you wonder: Why? Why did they bother? On this occasion, Why turned out to be greater than X.

Rich
Sky Unit 2 Reception
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