All aboard the 8.03 from Cockfosters to join the London Underground system, where old lecher Tom Bell is pestering dolly bird Denise Van Outen.

Added to which, young mum Rachel Weisz has lost her child, Jason Flemyng is trying to impress his dream woman, Hans Matheson has pinched a briefcase full of cash, father Ray Winstone lies to his son, inspectors close in on a fare dodger and a bird stuns itself on a window.

This collection of nine yarns, all spun off a Time Out script-writing competition, are brought to life by the very best of British talent, including Ewan McGregor and Jude Law making their directorial debuts.

If the result's a bit like eating sandwiches - you enjoy one briefly, you take another and another, then the plate's finished and you're still hungry - at least the sarnies all look appetising and are tasty enough.

The film-makers make the most of their unlimited access to the Tube system, in a vivid, creepy and amusing panorama of life down under.