When the French lifted their ban on British beef it's a shame they didn't slam a similar restriction on the import of English ham.

The prime offender is Terence Stamp, whose provincial repertory theatre delivery should really have been pulled up before it made the Channel crossing.

He plays the character of an airline pilot in a film being shot in London with respected French actress Charlotte (Gainsbourg).

The crux of the plot and the main comedy device is Charlotte's husband Yvan's obsessive jealousy about his wife filming love scenes.

It's a bit rich really, because he's been cynically calculating his chances with various professions of women and eventually settles for "wacko" actresses.

Still, he's a television sports journalist - not the most romantic of men, but they do know who made the Division Two play-offs in 1995.

Yvan's green eyes are soon blazing when he hears that Terence is regarded as a bit of beau and he's off to the Smoke by Eurostar.

Despite Charlotte's assurances that it's all part of the job, he's still not convinced and jealous rages can be set off by the most innocent remark.

Charlotte even goes to the lengths of jokingly telling Allen's boorish film director David (I don't want to be censored!) she wants the whole crew filming in the buff - a request he takes seriously.

It's all a bit inconsequential, with the sections featuring English dialogue particularly banal as Stamp waxes on about naïve art and the joys of Tate Modern.

In fact, Stamp's stereotypical luvvie unbalances the narrative with a clown basically playing against far more finely drawn characters.

Finally, writer-director Attal's tedious sports jock is the sort of male chauvinist you really rather wish didn't end up with the girl.

Tim Evans