Who'd have thought the fresh-faced youngster talent spotted at a local Sunday School would have landed roles in three of the most appallingly crude and vicious British movies of the year.

Danny Dyer kicked off his trilogy of tastelessness with the morally shameful vigilante offering Outlaw and followed that up with Straightheads, a vile revenge thriller whose lowpoint was the rape of a farmer with a bolt-action rifle.

During these contemptible contemplations of man's baser state, Dyer's characters defiantly refused to deviate from the standard geezer wiv a gun spitting out "shup up you slag" every time there was a lull in some scene of repulsive violence.

The All Together gives him the chance to vary the dialogue from "Do as I f*****g say" to "Shut the f**k up" while also collaborating in a scene where one character noisily vomits and defecates in the next room. You can't see Eric Rohmer putting in the call.

This is the feature debut of writer-director Gavin Klaxton, a onetime producer of a TV movie review programme who doesn't appear to have taken on board one ounce of the constructive criticism doled out by his presenters.

More formulaic than the nativity story and plumbing new depths of lavatory-based humour, this is an ordeal that even the presence of Martin Freeman (basically reprising Tim from The Office. Ricky Gervais should sue) cannot salvage.

Dyer plays a mouthy London hitman escorting Corey Johnson's Mafia man to the airport when he's struck down by food poisoning and randomly trots off for help at the home of unhappy TV producer Chris Ashworth (Freeman).

Unfortunately, he's out on a film shoot with obnoxious Welsh presenter Jerry Davies (Richard Harrington) and he's left his clueless flatmate Bob (Topic) at home with specific instructions to show estate agents around the house.

It might be worth adding here that Bob's calling in life is a sort ot taxidermy with a psychosexual twist: stuffing small animals and assembling them in a bewildering variety of sexual acts in explicit tableaux.

Anyway, the gormless Bob mistakes his unexpected callers for would-be buyers in and the trigger-happy Dyer finds himself presiding over a inadvertent hostage situation including doorstepping evangelists and even a children's entertainer.

Dyer's half-witted hat-trick of cinematic brain wrong concludes with a pay-off which must rank as one of the most crudely misconceived in recent cinema history.

All together now: Avoid this movie at any cost.

Tim Evans