Well, we all know this has been reviled across the States. But does it pass the SBIG test. Is it so bad it's good?

You'll be pleased to hear there are rum slices of dialogue that will have you rootling round your seats for your dropped jaw.

That said, there have actually been a couple of films out recently that sink lower and the reason this one has taken the flak is because of its high-profile stars.

Ironically, Lopez proved she was an actress of some potential in Steven Soderbergh's Out of Sight...and then it all went pear-shaped. As did Jennifer.

On the other hand, the promise that Affleck displayed with Good Will Hunting went up in smoke (a bit like the American Navy) in Pearl Harbor.

Where to start? Affleck plays - or more correctly approximates - dumb enforcer Larry Gigl, who is assigned to get slimy mobster Lennie Venito off the hook.

All he's got to do is kidnap the autistic brother of a federal prosecutor to make sure the law doesn't catch up with him.

However, Lennie also sends along lesbian hitwoman Ricki (Lopez) to check that everything is going to plan and Larry isn't fouling up.

For the first forty minutes or so this is merely lame and awkward without sinking to the level of drop-dead dismal.

That is until Lopez verbally disarms a gang of teenage hoods with a dose of cod Eastern philosophy that even Richard Gere would think twice about.

Not to be outdone, Ben then pontificates about the power of his penis while Jennifer eulogises the omnipotence of her sex while doing Sting-style callisthenics on a gym mat.

It gets better. No appalling movie would be complete without a Christopher Walken moment...but even he is outshone by a manic cameo from Al Pacino that is the equivalent of pouring gasoline onto your reputation and torching it.

Along the way there's a wrist-slashing scene that wandered in from another movie and Justin Bartha attempting to do a Dustin Hoffman on his Rainman character. He doesn't.

J-Lo's lipstick lesbian is typical of Hollywood's take on sexual persuasian - ie she gives it all up for the love of a good man.

Unfortunately, the good man here is Ben, who displays all the brooding menace of Eamonn Holmes, and goes "lights on, no-one home" during he sex scenes.

In the final reel, you have actually become bored to death with these vain, shallow people - and the characters they play - and are praying for them to disappear into the sunset.

As J-Lo so succincly puts it: "It's turkey time."

Tim Evans