This sloppy fag-end of the gross-out production line is conclusive proof that the Americans should never be issued with passports.

High school student Scott Thomas's wandering eye settles on German email pen pal Mieke (Jessica Boehrs) after he's unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend.

The only trouble is he's mortally wounded the fraulein's feelings by assuming at first she was a man grooming him for a paedophilic encounter.

She's blocked all messages from him...so he's got to jet over to Europe - "it's the size of the Eastwood Mall" - and plight his troth.

Joining him are best buddy Cooper (Jacob Pitts) and twins Jenny (Trachtenberg) and Jamie (Travis Wester).

For a journey that takes in America, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin and Rome, in reality this never strays from a studio in Prague.

Not since the glory days of TV's The Persuaders and Jason King has stock footage of glamorous locations been so badly spliced into the action.

So we get the gang superimposed over shots of the Houses of Parliament, the Eiffel Tower and, at one stage, a cafe in Milan when they're supposed to be in Rome.

There's the usual gross-out fare - Cooper's brush with a dominatrix in a Dutch S&M parlour and a misunderstanding on a French nudist beach.

In a miracle of inspired casting, Vinnie Jones hoves into view as a cockney Manchester United football hooligan. At least the accent's right.

David Hasselhoff - a minor deity in Germany - also pops up to warble a ditty in one of the most forgettable cameos in recent cinema history.

What's most frustrating is that the foursome are bright, likeable characters fighting a losing battle against a tired, cliched script.

Unlike the Farrelly Brothers, the humour's fatally misjudged and when it does hit the funny bone it's more through luck than judgement.

Perhaps it's time for the European Union to seal its borders.

Tim Evans