Wolfgang Petersen's epic take on the legend of Troy gives you an insight into what Lord Of The Rings would have been like set on the beach.
If you were expecting a shot by shot interpretation of the Greek myth then look elsewhere - The Trojan Horse, featured here, wasn't in the Iliad and Petersen has decided to leave out the part that the Gods play in the story.
But this is to no ill effect.
To fill you in, Paris (Bloom), son of Trojan King Priam (Peter O'Toole), has set in train a disastrous chain of events after pinching the wife of King Menalaus (Brendan Gleeson).
His warlike brother Agamemnon (Brian Cox) has used the infidelity as a pretext to launch an attack on Troy, where Paris and Helen (Kruger) - the face that launched a 1,000 CGI ships - have returned.
Leading the Greek army is a buffed and toned uber-warrior Achilles (Pitt) - "a man born to end lives" - decked out in a leather mini and despatching all-comers with a glancing blow from his sword.
Probably the most complex character in a movie which doesn't dwell overmuch on the psychological, Achilles knows as a man he'll never be granted eternal life but is determined his name will be remembered forever.
The bulk of the movie settles on the opposing armies engaging in vast rucks although Petersen doesn't quite have the sense of dynamics Peter Jackson employed so successfully in LOTR.
There's a particularly strong performance from Eric "Incredible Hulk" Bana as Hector and O'Toole fires up the one scene of intense emotion as a father mourning his slaughtered son.
But, you pretty much get what you expect and adherents of colossal battle scenes allied with a sprinkling of dramatic intrigue won't be disappointed.
Tim Evans
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