"What happens if that ball keeps going by me," bemoans under-achieving British Wimbledon hopeful Peter Colt (Bettany). Well, you're Tim Henman, that's what.
This indulges in a fantasy more outlandish than Star Wars, The Matrix and Lord Of The Rings combined - an English finalist at Wimbledon.
Colt, ranked 119th in the world, is ready to retire to moustachioed Robert Lindsay's Home Counties tennis school replete with a legion of randy old ladies.
But before he hangs up his racquet professionally, he wants just one more crack at Wimbledon after failing to make any impression after twelve attempts.
However, it's a love match off the court that's served up after he mistakenly wanders into the Dorchester suite of American tennis hotshot Lizzie Bradbury (Dunst).
There's not much time for a tentative courtship - Lizzie immediately checks out his strokes between the sheets and Peter rediscovers his hunger for victory.
Hitting a winning streak, he advances through the ranks... but his nemesis takes the form of Lizzie's overprotective dad and coach Sam Neill.
As predictable as the Great British Hope going out in the second round to an unseeded nonentity from Kurdistan, this doesn't offer too many surprises but pulls through via the endearing performances from the cast.
And in spite of the well-worn story, it's a well made movie - the special effects render Bettany's play impressive even if they can't shake off the impression he's a second-hand Hugh Grant.
The support is what you might expect from actors the calibre of Eleanor Bron and Bernard Hill and we all get a sleazy Yank to boo and hiss at on court.
More of a sweet backhand than a 129mph smash, Wimbledon's the sort of movie you simply can't go wrong with - just don't expect to be volleyed off the court.
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