"When a woman receives an orchid she feels like she's floating on a cloud of infinite possibility."

Well, good news for florists...but the rest of us has to suffer fluffy lines like that every few minutes in this terminally insipid romance.

Jean (Locklear) had aspirations of being the Nigella Lawson of the patisserie - "teaching the world to love baking again" - but ended up as Mrs Bunn the Baker.

This was largely because she had to look after her two daughters - one a gawky spelling supremo and other college teen Holly (Duff).

The three are constantly on the move from state to state thanks to mom's habit of picking up unsuitable men with the consequent unavoidable break-up.

Their latest home is Brooklyn, where Jean's courted by bakery manager and Styx fan Lenny (Mike O'Mally) while Holly's the object of attention for classmate Adam (Ben Feldman).

However, Holly believes mum could do better (believe me, she could), so uses flowers, letters and even email to create a (fictitious) admirer - the perfect man.

Rather than apply for a restraining order following the flood of purple prose from a beau she's never met, Jean gushes her cyber suitor "knows me better than I know myself".

As a matter of fact, the heartfelt words of wisdom - including the orchid line - come from a classmate's restaurateur uncle Ben (Noth). He couldn't actually be the perfect man, could he? Surely not.

Don't for one moment think this is along the same lines of mother-daughter rom-com Freaky Friday. It hasn't got an ounce of that movie's wit or charm.

No, it's a clunking, plot-by-numbers affair hampered by the one-dimensional Duff, an actress whose moods range from crestfallen to very crestfallen.

It's not actually offensive - but will only really appeal to fans of The Princess Diaries who have just had their teeth braces removed.

Tim Evans