Take a deathly dull faux-legend about Spanish nobility, forbidden love and priceless booty and then use it to float a soppy story of hasty divorce and rekindled love, while subplots and the supporting cast thrash the foam to keep their heads above water.

Fool’s Gold is face down in the surf before the opening credits have finished.

The biggest problem is that director Andy Tennant and his two co-writers cannot decide whether they are making an Indiana Jones romcom or The Break-Up Goes To The Caribbean (actually filmed in Australia ).

“Why dramatize when you can talk?” seemed to be the production mantra – climaxing with a cackhanded piece of exposition as Finn (McConaughey, letting his abs doing the acting) and Tess (Hudson, with Almost Famous a distant memory) pitch the treasure hunt to English multi-millionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Sutherland, bizarrely doing Terry-Thomas) over drinks on his yacht.

Nic Cage, you're needed.

To inject drama, the anaemic plot contorts to spin danger out of Finn’s debt to an island owning gangsta rapper (Kevin Hart), and his rivalry with his mentor Moe (Winstone, saddled with a head-in-hands Deep South twang).

Tennant also populates Fool’s Gold with more speaking parts than all three Lord of the Rings films, making space for Honeycutt’s Paris Hilton-with-a-heart daughter (Dziena), Ewen Bremner’s Ukranian (another accent) diving expert, and two comic relief gay cooks, but gives them nothing to do.

Although opening at No.1 in the US , this has barely recouped its $70m price tag, so further McConaughey/Hudson partnerships are doubtful.

Hopefully, both actors will salvage their careers from the wreckage of recent duds, and make good on their early promise.

In the meantime, both Indiana Jones and Anneka Rice can rest easy.

Rob Daniel