"The floodgates of the adrenal glands are thrown open and the body's version of super-concentrated lightning pours into the circulatory system."

Can you guess what we're talking about?

"Capillaries dilate, widening to allow for the Sig-Alert of now hyper-charged blood cells operating in panic mode. Eyes widen, muscles tense and a godlike sensation begins to take over."

Still none the wiser?

Well, what the film-makers would have you believe you're experiencing is, er, well, getting into a car and driving off. For all the purple prose, it's that simple.

Admittedly, the cars in question have had their engines tinkered with so they go faster and make a racket. They've also had computer systems installed for no apparent reason.

And, to be fair, it's no common-or-garden trip to Tesco's but, for the all the turbo-charged adjectives flying around - "high octane", "tyre-burning", whatever - it's still about climbing into a little tin box with an engine on the front.

Anyway, think about the target audience; this is the type of movie for those teenage motoring enthusiasts who think Top Gear is a cultural offering of Shakespearean range and profundity.

The deal is that ex-cop Brian (Walker) and crimmo buddie Roman Pearce (Tyrese) will have their criminal records erased if they help collar unsavoury drugs kingpin Carter Verone (Hauser).

That's all you really need to know... because what you're really here to see is lots of cars painted pretty colours going very fast and crashing into cardboard boxes.

And, on that basis, this pretty much passes muster, adrenaline-wise - although there's nothing that's a patch on the freeway chase in Matrix Reloaded.

While the action rockets along like a souped-up Corvette Stingray, the narrative lumbers by in the style of a second-hand Austin Maestro.

There's a torture scene involving a rat, a bare chest and a hot bucket that really belongs in another movie, but everything else is what you might expect after The Fast And The Furious.

Don't, for goodness sake, go expecting social comment, even though this is the work of Boyz N The Hood director Singleton. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Wacky Races for the sensory deprived. But embarrassingly enjoyable, nonetheless.

Tim Evans