Let's be honest about this from the start. Alien Vs Predator is an exercise in franchise filmmaking, similiar to the last Terminator or Jurassic Park movies.

For the studios it's easy money. And with AvP they have produced a functional film that may not impress fans of the original movies, but will sell tickets.

After a 1990 comic book and the inclusion of an Alien skull in Predator 2, it was inevitable that sooner or later there would be a movie pitting the killing machines against each other.

The huge fanbase created by further comic books and video games would ensure that the studio had a gun, some fish and a barrel to shoot them in.

A number of scripts were drafted up to try and tap into the audiences fascination with the monsters, but it wasn't until Paul W.S. Anderson came along that 20th Century Fox felt they had the script worthy of shooting.

Or so they thought.

Set in the present day, a dying billionaire discovers a pyramid in the Antarctic and sets about recruiting a crack team of specialists to take him to the site.

Once there, the team become cannon fodder for a trio of Predators who use the ice-laden pyramid as a coming-of-age hunting site.

That is, after they have infested the place with face-hugging aliens.

The dialogue was apparently written by the same people that brought us Sons And Daughters or Neighbours, while the predictable and formulaic plot ensures there is not one shred of the tension that underpinned the best of the Alien and Predator movies.

And as for the final act? It's as predictable as it is unbelievable, but it sticks to the mantra that, as long as it looks good technically, what else do you need?

Director Paul W.S. Anderson swore that, by being a fan of both franchises himself, he would create a movie that did the characters justice.

But that total and utter lack of tension ensures that you switch off between the action scenes.

And while Alien had Ripley and Predator had Dutch, AvP doesn't have a character worth rooting for, except the obviously doomed Ewan Bremner, who's apparent inclusion in the cast was solely as a rather sick-minded comic relief.

To make matters worse, studio intervention ensured that this movie would appeal to (and make the certificate for) the teenage audience.

The result? Less gore than an episode of Come Dancing.

So, while you laugh out loud at the dramatic moments (the communication between human and Predator is not dissimilar to a conversation between Sooty and Matthew Corbett - "What did you say sooty? A bomb?"), be sure to remember that this could have been a classic with an immediate clamour for more sequels.

But the studio's desire for instant cash has created a solid action movie that pretty much destroys all hope of there ever being another Alien or Predator movie worth watching.

"Whoever wins... we lose" goes the tagline. Ain't that the truth.

Rich Phippen