Remember the Titans? They were The Replacements when Coach Carter used too much Necessary Roughness to put Friday Night Lights on his Mean Machine...

Sticking rigidly to the Hollywood playbook, the latest model role for WWE superstar Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is the dramatised true story of Californian probation officer Sean Porter.

Fed up of seeing 75% of his charges leave the Camp Kilpatrick young offenders' facility only to wind up back inside (or worse) Sean hits on the idea of channelling their energies into more socially acceptable thuggery: American football.

After persuading the authorities to let them into the high school league, Sean and fellow screw Malcolm (rap star Xzibit) select the squad for the Kilpatrick Mustangs.

Protecting Calvin the crack-dealing quarterback is hulking baseball-bat assault specialist Junior. Kenny the carjacker and armed robber Kelvin play out wide. But the star player is reluctant running back Willy (Yorker), who shot his Ma's boyfriend dead.

Being more inclined to commit an offence than play one, the Mustangs' go down like newborn foals in their first game.

But, encouraged by his dying mum, Coach Porter keeps tossing those motivational passes until his losers learn to catch.

The message here is that everyone deserves a second chance. Great, so let’s hear what the victims and their families have to say about seeing their transgressors enjoying themselves on the sports field... Hello?

Nobody expects a balanced moral argument from a movie as predictable as spilt popcorn, but you have to ask questions when comic relief is provided by a toerag who "stabbed an old lady for her purse".

In defence, Gridiron Gang hits hard with bags of machotude. The Rock leads his stereotypes well, and there’s a nice moment when the team's cheerleaders (or, more accurately, 'fearleaders') arrive from the county's girls' jail.

As the credits roll, footage of the real Sean Porter from an Emmy-awarded 1993 documentary reveals some of the movie's scenes as they actually happened.

It's much more inspirational than anything from the preceding two hours.

Elliott Noble